The man they call Kay

vs.

Game 32: May 3, 2008 -1:05 p.m. ET
Yankee Stadium, New York, N.Y.
Play-by-Play: Michael Kay
Color: Paul O'Neill

Top first: "Wladimir Balentien hits ninth and Yuniesk--, I mean hits eighth."

• How hard is it to read the the lineup properly?
  

"Miguel Cairo is just one of the players who knows what to do at the plate."

• Pretty easy to know what to do in order to have a career 75 OPS+. Let me just take this opportunity to congratulate the Mariners on having Willie Bloomquist and Cairo on the same team. That is also impressive.

Bottom first: Kay points out that even though Hideki Matsui is in the middle of a 12-game hitting streak, his average "has actually gone down."

• Ironic that Kay would make that observation. He is the king of pointing out random four-game hitting streaks. My goal is to hear him point out a two-game hitting streak soon. Maybe if/when Robinson Cano gets one.

Top second: Kay quotes Cone and says that Mussina's 11-10 record despite mediocre stuff last season "tells you something."

• Yeah, it tells you even someone who sucks can have a .500 record when a team scores 968 runs, even a pitcher who loses his rotation spot because he pitches so poorly can have a record above .500. Mussina has enjoyed a nice recovery in his last few starts this season, but that doesn't change his atrocious effort last year.

Bottom second: For the second time in two innings, Kay refers to Felix Hernandez in exactly these words: "The man they call King Felix."

• Nothing says Kay is on his game like once-an-inning repetition.

Bottom third: "Today is the anniversary of Joe DiMaggio actually breaking into the big leagues."

• But when is the anniversary of his just plain breaking into the big leagues?

Bottom fifth: First Kay is singing the praises of Cairo. Now, in ripping the Mariners offense says, "They're protecting their best hitter with Miguel Cairo." Too true.

Top sixth: O'Neill is worried he didn't read the spots well enough in Friday's game.

• Believe me, Paul. You are worlds better than Kay. We're sure YES is more than happy with your performance.

Bottom sixth: "King Felix certainly not a king today," after Hernandez gets knocked out.
We would have preferred "King Felix dethroned" or "King Felix desposed." Kay takes the unoriginal and obvious route.

Top seventh: Jeter makes a throwing error trying to complete a double play. Giambi may have overshot the ball with his lunge, but the error still goes to Jeter, OBViously. Equally as obvious is Kay's tale of Jeter's woe. Jeter bounces more balls to first than any other shortstop in baseball, and that includes David Eckstein. He should just be thankful he doesn't have 40 errors each season. No one need feel bad for him.


Bottom seventh: Just a strange play call on a Melky Cabrera double: "Grounded fair, inside first, down the right field line. Cabrera cuts the bag, picks up the coach, rounds second and stops right there."

• Who says "cuts the bag"? Also, "the coach" has a name, and it's Bobby Meachem. Most announcers, in a 6-1 game, would have toned it down a little bit.

Top eighth: Apparently Mariano Rivera calls Kay "Cabezon," which means big head in Spanish.

• If it's possible to like Rivera anymore, I do right now. O'Neill calls Kay "big head" in English. That also falls into the awesome category.

Top ninth: "Charging Ensberg, FIRES, got him."

• Got to get that in there before the game is over.

"The Yankees used Farnsworth, Chamberlain and Rivera last night, and today they have used Hawkins, Ramirez and Veras. So the only pitcher in the bullpen who hasn't appeared is Ross Ohlendorf." Minutes later, "They also haven't used Jonathan Albaladejo." Still later, "Paul, I forgot another pitcher, Chris Britton."

• Way to know the roster. I know the Yankees are carrying 13 (!) pitchers, but you are with the team every day. Well, not quite. But when you call a game, you should know who is on the roster.

Final score: Yankees 6, Mariners 1
I owe Juan Rivera an apology: Miguel Cairo is good, Mike Mussina really showed the Yankees something last season, Derek Jeter is infallible, Jonathan Albaladejo isn't on the team, Chris Britton isn't on the team.