"I was there in 1994..."

vs.
Game 19: April 19, 2008 - 7:05 p.m. ET
Oriole Park at Camden Yards, Baltimore, Md.
Play-by-Play: Michael Kay
Color: Ken Singleton

Bot 1st: Michael Kay relates a pregame conversation he had with Joe Girardi about why Ian Kennedy would have a good start tonight:

"He said, 'Because his last start he was aggressive in the zone.' He said, "I think that's important.' He said, 'That's what I was looking for.' He said, 'He wasn't kinda reaching for the outside corner, he was throwing the ball through.' He said, 'I thought he had pretty good command.'"

• That's five -- count it, five -- straight sentences Kay started with "he said."
  How articulate.

The infield-fly rule is called on Kevin Millar's pop-up, and Ken Singleton goes on to explain the rule for beginner fans. Kay: "And you can only call the infield-fly rule when there are two runners on. First and second."

• Lovely to see a "Major League" play-by-play announcer so familiar with one of baseball's common rules. Singleton corrects Kay by adding that the bases can also be loaded.

Kay rattles off another pregame conversation with Girardi and uses "he said" to begin four straight sentences. Does this qualify as improvement?

Top 2nd: "Now the Yankees last year had some trouble against left-handers on the road. In fact, they won just 14 of their first 16 games on the road against lefty starters."

• Oh god, 14-2. What a horrific mark.

Top 3rd: Kay relates the time he was in the first-base dugout for Don Mattingly's and Paul O'Neill's reactions to seeing Camden Yards for the first time -- in 1994.

• It's nice to think that Kay has borne witness to the seminal moments of our times, but Mattingly first played at Camden back in 1992, the year it opened, and O'Neill first did so in 1993, his first year in the American League with the Yankees. Neither '92 nor '93 is the same year and neither '92 nor '93 is '94. So it becomes pretty clear that Kay never witnessed this event considering it never happened.

Bot 4th: Robinson Cano makes an error on what would have been the third out of the inning and Kay spends the entire balance of the inning ripping Cano, focusing on how his error has forced Ross Ohlendorf to labor that much more to get out of the fourth.

• It's a fair point, but if it had been a Derek Jeter error, would Kay have even gone there? Methinks not.

Top 5th: Another Kay "he said" fest, this time holding steady at four consecutive sentences when relating an Alex Rodriguez conversation. I guess I can sympathize with Kay's "he saiditis" -- it must be pretty hard for Kay to go all night long not doing it.

• That's what she said.

Bot 6th: Singleton calls the first three pitches of Brandon Fahey's at-bat, so one can only assume Kay took a prolonged bathroom break in between innings for the second time in three days. Must be where he reloads on all the crap he force-feeds the viewing audience.

Bot 7th: As Ohlendorf begins his fourth full inning, Kay brings up his history as a stater and how the Yankees moved him to the bullpen, where they think he's a better pitcher because he can throw harder and only needs to rely on two pitches.

Kay must be hurting for material, because he made the EXACT same speech during Ohlendorf's outing on Wednesday vs. the Red Sox. At this rate, we're going to hear about Mike Lowell's forced inclusion in the 2005 Josh Beckett-Hanley Ramirez trade before this game is over.

Top 8th: "I'm always amazed, Kenny, that somehow, all those years ago, Abner Doubleday knew that 90 feet was the perfect distance."

• And the Kay lies continue! It's common knowledge at this point that the myth of Abner Doubleday inventing baseball was discredited.

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Final score: Orioles 6, Yankees 0.

I owe Juan Rivera an apology: 4. Not knowing the infield-fly rule, the Yankees went 14-2 against lefties, Camden Yards opened in 1994 and Abner Doubleday created baseball.